When People Suck . . .

People Suck When . . .


Exhaustion, Alzheimers at 31?

Posted under Things that Piss me Off by Angry Lioness

Lately I find myself beyond exhaustion by the time I finally crawl into bed at night, but still lie awake pondering the events of the day, wondering whether I should’ve done things differently.  I continually find myself filled with an altruism that I can’t even find words to properly express, yet, when the actual moment comes to convey it, I lose my frigging mind, draw a blank, go completely numb if you will.

Take today for instance, a good friend of mine felt like shit this afternoon and although it was at the forefront of my mind, when said friend called me back, I neglected to ask whether they felt better or not. WTF? How can I have that single thought running through my head, causing angst, running through all the scenarios as to what is causing the ailment and what I can do to alleviate it, thinking of every herbal remedy I know of and where they may lay their hands upon said remedy~ only to completely forget once I hear their voice?  It was mentioned several minutes later, following another conversation having nothing whatsoever to do with health and here I am, several hours later, with that same ill feeling in the pit of my stomach wondering what the hell is wrong with me! Have I grown that insensitive?  That anesthetic and insensate to others feelings that I can’t even think to ask how they’re feeling? It was right there- hell the only thing on my mind before that phone rang, but the second I answered, Poof the Alzheimers dust landed.

Then, on top of it, said confidant offered me some advice on dealing with an unruly child that was truly making the day miserable, a calm amidst the storm, so to speak, and once again, I find myself wanting to say thank you- but those words are not enough; They’re hollow and cannot portray what I feel.

So, the angry lioness is once again angry, this time, with herself, rather than any external force or situation. I’m angry at my inability to verbally Vocalize the actual words, “THANK YOU”, without looking at the floor! I’m angry that I lack the ability to articulate myself eloquently in the situations that I  have the inclination to. I’m angry at myself for not living up to my simple expectations, but mostly, I’m angry that I neglected to put my friend first.

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